Depression and Lots of Rain Similes #seizetheawkward

There is something about rain that makes my heart feel at ease. I love the way rain sounds as it pitter-patters on the roof. I love when the thunder is far enough away that it sounds like a stomach growling from hunger. I love that you can smell rain before it has even begun to fall. I love how the cloudy days remind of walking down the road in London. I love the connection I feel with the world around me when it rains.

I'm writing this as it is raining outside, my window wide open. I've closed my eyes a few times now, just to listen to the different sounds it makes as it falls against the window, fence, roof, grass, and pavement. I could go stand outside and let it wash over me, but I just settle for breathing in deep and letting it cleanse my soul instead. I know it's crazy, but I feel like it actually does clean my soul, in a way.

I guess it is not as much as a cleansing as a connection. This last weekend I was pretty depressed, and I feel like the weather is finally matching my mood, which actually helps me feel less depressed. Actually, I think there is research behind the theory that depressed and anxious people feel better when it rains. Scientific or not, the rain helps me know everything will be alright. That everything storms for a bit, but it will pass soon enough. It also shows me that if mother nature can grow dark and let a few drops out, then it is okay if I do too.

It's amazing to me that there are different types of rain. There is the kind of rain in hurricanes and tropical storms that causes damages through flooding. This weekend I feel like my depression was closer to the hurricane side, never realizing the damage I was doing until it passed. Some times I wonder why I have this and remember that all the trials we are given are meant to help us grow. Hurricanes and floods aren't the only things rain can do. Rain can be helpful. It can put fires out, water plants, and add to water supplies. So how can my depression be something helpful? I feel like my depression has helped me feel deeper and stronger, in some ways, which has helped me empathize with others a lot more. It has helped me grow closer to God and Christ because I know someone is there helping me when I feel helpless. It has helped me recognize that feelings are valid and should never be overlooked.

Also depression is like thunder. Sometimes you can hear thunder coming, from far away. It starts out as a low rumble, getting louder the closer it gets. Then sometimes you're just sitting there and with no warning at all there's a loud clap of thunder that leaves your body trembling. Sometimes I can feel my depression slowly creeping in, which I'm grateful for because then I can better prepare myself for when it comes. But sometimes It doesn't happen that way. I can be driving around on a Friday night with my friends, having a great time when it will just overwhelm me. Sometimes I'll just wake up and it will be there full force. Just like the weather, I can't really control when it happens, I just have to handle it the best way I can when it shows up. And there are different ways to handle it. Some days it takes all of my energy just to take a shower and turn Netflix on, whereas on other days I am able to not only shower but go to work, exercise, and hang out. I just have to take it one day at a time, assess the situation when it happens, know that it will pass eventually (even if it may not seem like it at the time) and remember that I have people who love me.

Sorry for all the rain similes, but it makes depression easier to talk about for some reason. This week is mental illness awareness week, so I felt like I had to #seizetheawkward and talk about it a little. I know I need to talk about it more, but I do feel a little awkward bringing it up, which no one should ever feel awkward about talking about it. 1 in 4 people suffer from a mental illness, so they are pretty common and we need to make talking about it common too. Please know that you are loved. I am here for you and if you ever need to talk, please do not hesitate to call or text me! To know more about the Seize the Awkward movement, I have inserted a link for your convenience:
https://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/Awareness-Events/Mental-Illness-Awareness-Week

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